Expectations

"Unmet Expectations create Disappointment
Unresolved, Disappointment breeds Resentment
Unresolved, Resentment breeds Contempt

Expectations are unmet because they are:
Extravagant
Unknown
Known, but disregarded"
-Dr. Paul Patton

Waiting

"What God does in you and through you while you wait is just as important as what you are waiting for."
-Ben Peterson

Policy

"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."
-George Carlin

Vagina

"...just put it in my vagina."
-Tim V. on October 7th, 2002

Cootchie Catcher

"Look guys, I made a cootchie catcher."
-Rachel J. on October 7th, 2002

Wanker

"You've got to be a real wanker to be a tour guide."
-Josh R. on July 12th, 2001

Nothing Sexual

"There's nothing sexual about it, it's just a dick."
-Jason S. on July 12th, 2001

Everyone Humps

"I feel like everyone humps."
-Marni D. on July 12th, 2001

Statue of Liberty

"I'm the Statue of Liberty!" (lights lighter) "Why did I just do that?!"
-Josh R. on June 26th, 2001

Sleeping Bag

"...all night - so no sleeping bag knowledge here!"
-Jamison D. on June 26th, 2001

Pepperoni

"Now I'll go wipe the pepperoni off my a**hole."
-Anna H. on June 26th, 2001

Poop

"I took a poop, that was productive."
-Jamison D. on June 25th, 2001

Nipple Hair

"Look at all my nipple hair."
-Jamison D. on June 25th, 2001

When I Stand at the Judgment Seat

When I stand at the judgment seat of Christ
And He shows me His plan for me;
The plan of my life as it might have been
Had He had His way, and I see
How I blocked Him here and I checked Him there
And I would not yield my will,
Shall I see grief in my Savior’s eyes;
Grief though He loves me still'

Oh, He’d have me rich, and I stand there poor,
Stripped of all but His grace,
While my memory runs like a hunted thing
Down the paths I can’t retrace.
Then my desolate heart will well-nigh break
With tears that I cannot shed.
I’ll cover my face with my empty hands
And bow my uncrowned head.

No. Lord of the years that are left to me
I yield them to Thy hand.
Take me, make me, mold me
To the pattern Thou hast planned.
-(source unknown)

Hate

"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us."

-Hermann Hesse

Lord Knows

"Yesh, begin"

"Yesh, take one"

"Yesh, those notes, those notes very good"

"It is a good distance"
-Nick Beier

Flies

Time flies like the wind; fruit flies like bananas.

J.

"Tanner, did you're parents know each other before they had you?"
-Nikki Jones

Backbone

"The individual activity of one man with backbone will do more than a thousand men with a mere wishbone."
-William Boetcker

Love and Fear

"In the hour of His greatest trial, His love overcame His fear of what loving would cost Him."
-John Eldredge in Waking the Dead

Amateur

"I feel like I'm an amateur in a game I've been playing all of my life when I should be a pro."
-Nikki Jones on April 24th, 2007

Beethoven

"I really like Beethoven, except now that I'm bleaching my teeth, I'm afraid to smoke my pipe."
-Jason Schrader on June 25th, 2001

Luther

"If Luther was alive now and saw this he would s***!"
-Jason Schrader on June 25th, 2001

Resorbed

"When my mother was pregnant with me they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later they discovered that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby."
-Dwight Schrute on the Office

Important Things

"The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them — words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When a secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear."
-Stephen King in The Body

Religion

"My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind."
-Albert Einstein

My World

"Tim, can I live in your world?"
-Hilary Doe

Men

"We are men, because girls can't poop!"
-Gybe Mantra

Metaphor

"I'm pretty sure there's some huge metaphor there, but I don't really want to think about it right now."
-Nick Beier

Advice

"When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice."
-Marquis de la Grange

Best Shape of My Life

"I'm not sure if you noticed. But, I'm in the best shape of my life."
-Tim Vaduva

Michael to Toby

"Why are you the way that you are?

"Honestly, every time I try to do something fun... or exciting... you make it... not... that way. I hate... so much about the things that you choose to be."
-Michael Scott on the Office

Love and God

"I believe in love, like I believe in God. Ok? You can't see it, you can't touch it, but you know it's there, because you can feel it's wrath."
-Cory Matthews on Boy Meets World

Fistwords

"Your words hurt like fists!"
-Cory Matthews on Boy Meets World

Baseball Glove

"I believe a man should smell like an old baseball glove."
-Stephen Colbert on The Colbert Report

Sexy Versus Gross

"There is a fine line between sexy and gross."
-Tim Vaduva

Ponderings

Have you ever quantified a crapload?

Skipping Second Grade

Tim: "I skipped the second grade."

Ernest: "In Romania! In Romania second grade is horse feeding."

Kids and Cats

"Sometimes kids sound like cats."
-Shelly Hilger